I just spent the last hour and a half reading a 5 page essay/ talking to Justin about a serious issue. That last hour and a half has left me feeling completely numb.
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are completely alone in the world? People just, no matter what, don’t understand what you’re going through. Most of the time, people don’t even care enough to listen to what you have to say. Well, that’s how I feel. I feel like I am 100% on my own. This is the worst feeling in the world. It is driving me crazy and I don’t know what to do about it. No matter what I do, no matter what I’ve tried, I’m ignored! No matter what, it’s like I’m so unimportant. I’m not worth your time. Like I don’t matter. This is probably the reason why I stayed in a bad relationship for so long; no one else in the world even cared to know what I was doing so once I left the one person who cared, I lost everything. Everything I had is now gone. And I’m left alone.
I feel like I’m mute. I feel like when I talk, no one can hear me. I feel like I’m invisible. I feel like no matter how much I move, I am not seen.
It’s crazy. I want only one thing, and that thing is so far out of my grasp. I try to change myself, to be better, and yet, nothing works. No, I don’t feel useless or ignored; I feel unheard and unseen. And I not interesting enough? And I not worth listening to? Perhaps I’m just not as great as I think I am.
OMG, I am exhausted! I am sweating so muchh! :3 hehe
My core muscles are almost nonexistent. I was trying to do leg lifts and I felt like I was gonna pass out. AND, on top of that, I have like the worst knees ever, so squats were go hard! Instead I just squatted against the wall for the allotted time.
Today I started the 100 workout with Ramon! It is a lot harder than I thought it would be, and that’s minus the running! I really do need to start running.. but I don’t have any running shoes! Perhaps I’ll go out and buy and inexpensive pair. It’s not like I’m some competitive runner, right?
My core is so weak! I was trying to do 70 leg lifts and I like quit after 20. Well, not quit, but I took a break. Hopefully this will get easier the more I do it. And hopefully soon I can add in running.
I really need to eat better too. So, no more junk food! I’m not gonna like start counting calories or anything, but I need to cut out stuff like chips and sugary tea.